I didn't like comments like "so cute" for my past photos. Here I am struggling to walk at 66. I was driven to starting the facebook page for instant connect and communication with human race. I rely and depend on the invisible God. I think of orphan children, destitutes....I thank God for a roof over my head and food for my stomach.
People ask me, why are you not performing? They simply don't know how I performed, how I could perform against deadly odds right from my childhood. It was divine grace that I was able to perform, cook up some music within myself against unimaginable challenges. Veena and music took me on a path of detachment. I became immune to pain. Flipside was, I became immune even to pleasure.
I don't go gaga over fame, name, praise, awards, titles....NOTHING AT ALL!! Absolutely nothing impressed me. In early 2000s I realized I was gradually losing mental and physical energy to work up interest in getting on to stage to perform as though that was the most important and exciting thing in life. That was when I knew it was time to stop pretending as though I am one of the performing artists....I simply didn't feel like them....I was walking on fire....they weren't....I couldn't perform anymore with fire under my feet...I breathed easily after I quit....Not that it made me happy...what is the meaning of "happy", will someone tell me?
I have zero interest in music. The challenges I fought all through have made me numb to everything....Only Veena Naadham can send the blood gushing upto my scalp.... my adrenalin rush... my oxygen.... everything positive is tapped when my fingers work with Veena strings...but don't have the energy anymore...
I will resume blogging. Serious topics, whenever I can.... as I breathe............
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