The Defining Moment!

I was on my road to recovery from a very long bout of fever. I must have been 10 or 11 years old. I distinctly remember my parents whispering to each other, " Let us ask her and see if she is able to perform"......"If she is not fit enough to perform how to tell them or let go of such a divine oppurtunity?", -"What a blessing and great fortune if she plays Veena in His presence!" etc. They found me awake and asked me whether I felt okay enough to be able to perform. I think I would have said yes, because I remember my mother immediately packing a suitcase and changing the strings on my veena, my father making arrangements for a private taxi and in no time we were heading to somewhere. On my way I learnt that we were going to Kanchipuram.
In order to avoid breeze from outside from blowing on my face due to my fever, my parents made me sit in between them. I remember throwing a mini tantrum for not letting me have my favourite left corner of the backseat.
I very clearly remember my stomach growling for food and after many days of eating horrid idlis (till date I cannot stand them),I started to feel hungry. All through the ride, I kept fantasizing about eating my favourite potato fry, mysore pak, ladies finger fry etc. I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I remember was standing in a sleepy state in the midst of rows of people in the middle of their lunch. Tantalizing aromas of sambar, rasam, koottu and curry wafted through the air to reawaken my longing for food. Weak and tired after the travel, I was positively famished.
Seating ourselves in one of the rows, my mother told the brahmin who was serving food, "Please get her idlis, she is not well". I was indignant that I have to eat idlis all over again. I promptly threw another tantrum only to be reprimanded, "You don't want to fall sick again,do you? Don't you want to get well soon?" I started crying and some people nearby said "Let her have rasam rice, it will not harm her". Even rasam sounded like heaven to me after the onslaught of idlis. I readily agreed. I begged and pleaded for an appalam, but was refused one because they were fried in oil which I was supposed to avoid. That brought fresh tears into my eyes again and noticing my plight one of the brahmins who was serving food gave me an appalam, telling my parents "Nothing will happen to her, Periyava will take care of her." I discarded  the appalam midway, as I could not stomach anymore of it or the rasam rice. My parents were right as always, I was still having temperature and unable to relish anything! (After all these years, if I can still remember this scenario, I wonder how hungry I really must have been for that "appalam" to stay on in my memory!!!") In between the meal I was aware of people giving me inquisitive looks and whispering among themselves "She is Baby Gayathri". Whenever people stared and whispered about me I would think that one of my two braids had come off or the ribbons had come off! It never ever occurred to me that they stared at me because I played the veena at a young age!
I don't remember what time we finished eating or even if it was on the same day, but the next thing I recall was the pooja of Sri Chandramouleeswarar performed by Pujyasri Maha Periyava at the Kanchi Mutt sometime around noon.
The crowd was overwhelming in the large hall. I sat between the crowd and Maha periyava, who was conducting the pooja. As I started performing I noticed that Maha Periyava was totally immersed in His pooja and all the people were watching the pooja in hushed silence. I could sense a feeling of reverence and awe around me. To my childish eyes Maha Periyava appeared to be serious and strict. He would gaze in my direction now and then, without giving out any emotion. His eyes wore a blank look and I thought to myself that He was a serious person indeed!I felt a little scared of Him as I realised that everybody around me was equally overawed by His presence, including my father! There were no claps after every song and I found it strange! I don't remember how long I played, but after the concert we all prostrated to Maha Periyava and He raised His hands and blessed us without saying anything. We were later on informed that Maha Periyava was in "mounam" and would not talk for the day.
As we were preparing to leave for Chennai, the Kanchi mutt authorities asked us to wait and not to leave. In a few minutes, one of the mutt managers rushed to tell us that Maha Periyava wanted me to play in His presence once more in Orikkai village on the same evening. We waited for a long time to be taken to a place that looked like a hut ,with people thronging the place. We were ushered inside along with the veena and I was asked to play all over again. In all the crowd jostling and general confusion, it was difficult for my childish mind to find its bearings. My father was right next to me to give me moral support. There was no mike, no mridangam or tambura. Inside the hut, inspite of the crowd there was a hushed silence, like the one I had witnessed during Sri Chandramouleeswarar Pooja. I looked around fearfully and found the solemn figure in saffron robes in a corner of the thatched hut. His divine figure was visible in a dim light. It was late afternoon and the sun rays fell partially over the small, thin figure of Maha Swami, sitting with both knees together to one side. His posture and solemn eyes registered in my heart forever and I felt a wave of current pass through me.
"Papa,play,play", the mutt people urged me to commence my performance and I started playing. I simply don't remember what I played, all I can recall is that my body instantly became drenched in sweat. The fever had broken and I was oblivious to everything else other than concentrating on my playing, in between looking at my father for assurance that I was on the right track. Strangely my father did not give me his usual signals, even he was totally absorbed in gazing at the solemn figure of the Acharya seated in the far corner. After a long while Maha Periyava got up to leave. As he left abruptly to the adjoining room-like place, some people asked me to stop and some asked me continue. I was totally confused as to what I was supposed to do. A person who went along with Maha Periyava to the adjoining room returned to ask me not to get up. He gestured for me to be seated along with my veena. My parents and myself waited along with the crowd not knowing what to expect.
After a considerable time, Maha Periyava returned. In His hands He held a crown made of sandalwood beads and cardamoms. A huge "OM" in Sanskrit was drawn by cloves on the crown. He handed over the crown to the mutt administrators indicating that they should give the crown to me. As I received the crown, I saw Periyava conveying to me in sign language to place it over my head. Feeling a little shy and self-conscious, I placed the crown on my head. Resuming His earlier position, He gestured with His hands asking me to continue my performance with the crown on my head!!
I started playing the veena once again, with the added weight of the sandalwood crown on my head. I lifted my head to catch a glimpse of Maha Periyava and my gaze encountered His form, sitting in His earlier position, with both his legs folded to one side, one of his palms resting on the floor next to Him and His body leaning slightly towards one side. The early evening sunlight streaming through the many holes of the thatched hut cast an enigmatic hue on Maha Periyava. The glow of sunrays that were focused on Him , formed an aura around Him or was it a halo that was visible only to my innocent childish eyes? His entire figure which washed in the late evening glow haunts me till today.  I sadly realise that I had the experience of a lifetime when I was a mere child incapable of comprehending the treasure that was presented to me! I was too innocent to grasp the enormity of my encounter! My only solace today is my hazy memory of all the events connected to the most sacred encounter that has defined my life.
The crown is with me, in my pooja room, representing Maha Periyava's Grace and blessings in my life.